One Week

As I am sure the few people reading this are somewhat disillusioned that this is not a miraculous end to the disaster that my young life has become however there are benefits and instead of waiting for it to get worse, there is scientific evidence that it should improve further. I am reflecting however at the cruelty that is now manifesting itself in the fight against this perfectly logical idea.

I remember when I was at my worst and the center of MS help was only interested in diagnosing my rapid and peculiar presentation. Phrases like "steroids help everything" rang in my head for years. Mind you, i was not given ANYTHING and it would take a year of suffering to get steroids from another doctor. I needed help immediately and the doctors seemed more interested in the science than helping. I see that now, something that has been shown to help is refuted and argued against for the guise of science. Let us not forget that the Death Camps too performed cruel and sadistic experiments on people not for torture but for science. Captured specimen became subjects forcefully, in this case the patients come to doctors. Why has the practice of healing disappeared, why has the creed of help gone away? We do not want to be subjects of study, we want help and a return to our lives.

I worry about the progress, i was quite advanced for the disease course, I want to get back to my life. I've spent enough time reading philosophy to know that there is no God and that there is nothing else. I feel that i have lost large sections of time and because doctors were too comfortable in their disease model. Everything has a cause, it is ridiculous to assume that a body so perfect can suddenly attack itself. Thank you to Dr. Zamboni who looked further and found that cause. To all the doctors/scientists, go fuck yourself, the most sadistic thing is taking patients who are suffering and do tests on them. They will take whatever you give specifically because they dont have the luxury of choice.

I truly hope that that nightmare is behind me, it is called the liberation for variety of reasons but perhaps most of all is liberation from the sadistic control of these pseudohealers.